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Friday, September 22, 2017

#UnitedMomsClub : Mom & Depression


So today's our 2nd episode on AisKacang podcast (can download the app on your phone)!

And yes, we talked about depression after having our baby.
It's kind of sensitive kot sebab not many would wanna admit they are depressed, unhappy and having problems connecting to people (especially husband and child).

Kan kan?

Being a housewife meant i have to keep myself accompany. I've said goodbye to my social life years ago when i (with a heavy heart) realised that bringing my baby to social events or gatherings are not only physically tiring, but it's A LOT.

Stroller, food, toys, diapers, extra this and that, in case of this, in case that happens, oyemji.
Tu baru things. If the baby doesn't want to cooperate, memang penat la kena pujuk and stuff haha!

So my social life only happens online. 
Now i'm ok la but it took me a long time to come to terms with it.

I'm saying here:
Try, if you can, to find that balance in your life.
Kids shouldn't be treated like a burden, but we try to find the best way to make everyone happy.

Since i couldn't see my friends and stuff, i substitute it with going on adventures with my kids. Sometimes it's simple things like going swimming, playground or to my mom's house. Sometimes, it's going to parks, artsy places, and jungle gyms.

"Me time" is important. Once in a while, go for a massage ke, haircut ke, watch a movie.
I heard MBO at Starling mall in uptown damansara is super children friendly!
Can't wait to try that out, when there's a good movie!
And i watch some tv of MY CHOICE like twice a week. Kesian kan? Hahaha! My kids dapat watch everyday haha! I'm currently watching Chicago Typewriter (kdrama btw =p). It's light and ok la. I can't deal with drama and heavy shows.  

So yeah!

Hope you guys know that we're normal, going through the same stuff, but alhamdulillah, we're still able, we're ok and our kids are ok.
I wish all you moms the best!
I know some of you have harder struggles, dealing with disorders and special kids. I pray for you dunia & akhirat.

May Allah keep us moms strong in all aspects, keep us on the Right Path inshaAllah, and make our children soleh & solehah.
Amiiiinnn =)

Here's the podcast:

let us know what you think!
Share your comments at the website or comment down here =)

Take care moms!

Saturday, September 16, 2017

#UnitedMomsClub : Momma Dilemma


So my first podcast with sister Sue Anna Joe is up on Ais Kacang!
We've been planning for quite some time and alhamdulillah jalan jugak projek kita untuk collaborate.
Konon nak buat Youtube shoes dulu, but because of circumstances tak membenarkan, we just didn't go on with it.. =(
Oh well!

So our first episode on #UMC (United Moms Club) is about the dilemma we've all faced when we first have our baby (even when just after finding out we're pregnant!):
To work or not to work
That is the question.

So we've discussed about it, and you can have a listen here!

I really believe whichever path you have chosen, whether to pursue your career or to be a stay at home mom, there will always be rezeki.

We have to be creative to find the best way to juggle everything, but inshaAllah ada la caranya!
Kita in Malaysia ni alhamdulillah can hire helpers from our neighbouring countries!

Most of my best friends are working moms, and they have wonderful relationships with their spouse and children. That make it work, and i respect them greatly! Bukan senang nak pergi kerja, leave kids at nursery, sibuk think about work stuff, and then come home and pick up kids, clean the house, and cook.
Fuh respect gila!!

Since i am a housewife, i can only offer my point of view.
Truth is, the time when i decided to be a housewife, i was so so scared and nervous.
I didn't know if it was the right thing to do! My job was ok, my pay was ok, everything was ok. 
But i did istikharah for many many days, and the time i gave my resignation letter, the resolution and my instincts just gave me a sense of assurance that i was meant to do it and it was the right thing.

And now, almost 5 years later, i'm doing what i want and i have the freedom to explore and learn! Of course, with my kids in tow. Hehe! They're my handbags =p

There are so many housewives who are running businesses (including yours truly ehem ehem), doing tuition classes, doing pick up/drop off kids from home to school and back, planning events, and so much more! 

So my advice for all you moms or soon-to-be-moms, if you're facing this momma dilemma, i would recommend that you do istikharah as many times as you can, discuss with your husband, and do your best in whatever you choose at the end. =)

We only live once (YOLO! hahaha!), so the worst thing that can happen becomes the worst if we don't learn from it and try to improve the condition. 

Let me know what you think! Share your thoughts here or you can share it at the podcast channel!

ps: i have to improve my podcasting T_T" 

Monday, September 4, 2017

Mommying at home

The other day, i solat isyak, pastu nadrah put a stack of diapers right where i aimed to place my dahi, pastu isaac pulak duk berguling guling dalam telekung.
And baru je ni, isaac gave me his rattler. I don't know why either, but it's the thought that counts kan?

Sebenarnya, sejujurnya, i rasa segan sangat nak share pasal my own parenting journey sebabnya satu:
I'm not good at it.

Tapi i think it's safe to say all moms feel like this kot.
Ke i sorang...
Amboi korang.


Namun itu, sebab ramai betul yang tanya kat dm instagram pasal tips ni la tips tu la, sampai i rasa cam... korang... please... itu semua instagram je!!!

In real life, parenting is.. A LOT.
Especially for a WAHM & SAHM, yang memang berkepit ngan anak anak ni. Simply because everything that your child is (gesturing a child), is because of you (points to self).
It's a HUGE pressure! We can't blame anyone else! Not the cikgu tadika, not the nursery (what nursery??), not our siblings. Kita la. Kita punya pasal. Kita tak pandai didik anak.
*lari sambil nangis*

We just want to create decent human beans! Ingatkan anak keluar je terus boleh duduk kaki simpuh makan tertib, minum pun tertib.

Realiti nya: berak merata, makan dan minum tertumpah sana sini, kita masak rasa sedap dah, tapi dia pulak tak nak, kita dah nak tido dah pastu muntah lak dia atas katil.
It sounds funny, but it is extremely tiring. Tu baru bab mengemas.
Bab mengajar lak.. FUH! Kena bersabar level cikgu music tau!
If you think waiting for someone is the worst ever, try teaching a child who is not at all interested to.

Ok, dah dah. Cukup la nak ngutuk anak =p

Even with this huge pressure, memang dapat tengok anak membesar depan mata is one of the best things ever. Teringat lak dulu nadrah yang tak reti makan ngan tangan, sekarang dah pandai :') 
Dulu kita mandikan, sekarang dia pandai mandi sendiri.
Dulu kita pakaikan baju, sekarang dia pakai sendiri.
Dulu kita boleh suruh dia ambikkan air, sekarang dia suruh kita amik sendiri..... It was all because dia selalu suruh kita amikkan something masa i tengah buat something. I have 2 kids now kot, and only 2 hands! Kekadang tu tengah masak la dia nak kita carikan toy dia. Masa punggung ni baruuuuuuje sentuh kerusi, masa tu la dia suruh kita amikkan biskut.
Mana tak kita sakit hati?
"Nadrah, go take it yourself! Can you stop asking me to do things for you when you can do it yourself?"

I guess it's my fault. Tak cukup kesabaran. Masih tak lepas level ni.
So one day, Nadrah pun mula repeat after me.

"Nadrah, can you pass me the remote please?"
"Ummi, you can take it yourself. Why you always tell me to do this do that"


I told you she's a teenager (in my previous blog post).

Ok ok now back to how wonderful parenting is.
Or should be.
Or would be.

There were times yang i wish i hadn't got kids so soon, astaghfirullah..
Because i haven't really puas travel the world, i haven't really completely followed my dream, and the list goes on.

I bet you moms pun pernah terfikir camni.
Ke i sorang?
Koraaaannnnnngggg T_T

Having travelled with nadrah without my husband, but with my 3 brothers and my mom in 2015, already made such a huge impact on all of us:
Do not travel with toddlers yang takleh duduk diam and cannot listen nor follow instructions.
I couldn't even finish blogging about the whole trip because halfway through our "holiday", everyone was just eager to go back home. So there weren't many nice memories.. Hahahahuhuuuuuwuwuuuu...

Since, we stick to just traveling within our country.
And here's the thing: We have as much fun here as anywhere else! Travel overseas boleh tunggu =')

Our recent trip to Butterfly Park

Forgive my poyo pose! ahahahahaha!! 
This was our recent adventure on the MRT

Kids enjoyed it so much!
Kids below 6 years old get to ride for free, so we went from one station to the end and back. Penat!! tapi best =D

From my 4 years of being a mom & working from home (with Marzea), i just learnt to accept and take it day by day.
A lot of things will be thrown to you new WAHMs, SAHMs.
Or maybe you'll be lucky that nothing will be thrown at you, syukur!

I just learn to accept that: 
  1. i cannot live like those people who have financial freedom. 
  2. my time will never be as flexible as i thought and wish it could. Kids, business, home heh.
  3. my sanity is highly dependent on my kids' behaviour.
  4. some people will always think i'm not doing anything other than relaxing at home.
  5. some people will think i'm wasting myself, blablabla. ("belajar sampai masters tapi duduk rumah je yada yada yaddaaaa" - some typical remarks i get. serious!)
  6. i will never get as much rest as i thought i'd get. 
  7. some people actually think i have so much money. I'm being real at this part. I can't afford eating at fancy restaurants, or going out of my area too much, or even go out shopping (i window shop je lebih hehe.. It's a good sport!). It's too costly and i need to be saving money for the house and kid's expenses. Relates to point #1. I am dependent on my husband's income.
  8. i can never ever be a perfect mom and i can never ever know if i'm doing this motherhood thing right.
  9. i can never go back to the way i planned those years ago. Not the same weight, lifestyle, career.
  10. my house will not be squeaky clean for a few more years. Bahahaha!
  11. Additional: loneliness can be overwhelming. For a person like me who loved to go out socialising, being a WAHM was really really difficult. Numerous times i felt like slipping into depression because i hardly ever get to meet with friends. Well, 4 years has passed, and i'm still here! So alhamdulillah! There are times when i feel that loneliness creeping in but instead of making it an enemy, i try to embrace loneliness. I try different projects, and do something new. (currently, it's podcasting. More of that soon, inshaAllah!)

It took me a while to reach this state of accepting everything. I still do get hurt when i get tactless remarks for being a WAHM. But i try to brush it off as quickly as i can.
And about wishing i hadn't had kids so soon - well, it happens when i feel sh*tty that day. Biasa la kan! Sometimes it's PMS, sometimes it's the stress, and sometimes it's just because of being so tired.
Most days, i love them to bits and all those dreams, travel the world or doing more stuff i wanna do (when single), those things don't exist.  
It's the day to day achievements that i look forward to =')

To make myself a more productive person, i try and take the 'stress' away bit by bit. One of it was cleaning. Cleaning stresses me out because no matter how many times i clean, the house gets messy in an instant (snaps finger). So we get cleaners to come twice a week. Then my husband's work clothes. I send them to dobi dalam condo kita ni, so that helps a lot (because i really have no time to iron them. They're made of horror, those work clothes!). Husband now likes to buy groceries online, so that saves time and energy for me though some things i still have to get at the supermarket.

So maybe you moms can try to kurangkan la your workload by delegating them to other people. Kids kita still jaga la, but at least we don't waste so much on doing other things.

I am not comparing being a WAHM or SAHM to working moms. Let's just get over that comparing, siapa lagi penat, siapa lagi kesian blablabla. I'm just blogging this from my experience, since i am a WAHM. 
I admire working moms! I had wish that i can go back to working, but maybe not yet. Which is why i made Marzea! (my pencen income)

Being a parent is tough, but we become one anyway.
We enjoy those little and huge moments with our kids.
They fill our boring lives.
They make our life interesting.
They make all our hardwork, sweat and tears seem valuable.

We got this.


WAHM = work at home mom
SAHM = stay at home mom
or generally a housewife.

Sunday, August 27, 2017

Test of the Tudung

It has been about 7 years since i fully cover my head with tudung/shawl/hijab.
I'm more comfortable calling this piece of cloth covering my hair & neck tudung, to be honest.
Hijab, to me, is more of the act of covering, not so much on the kain that covers.

Now then, after 7 years, i have still a long way to go and i still ask Allah for hidayah because i feel like i keep failing.. Tu pun Alhamdulillah sangat dapat secebis T_T
I admire ladies like Mizz Nina, Aliza Kim, Fynn Jamal among many because they have really really gone in depths in Islamic teachings and they are doers, not just sayers.

Huhhhh.. May Allah give us all hidayah and let this journey towards becoming a better muslim be our jihad.

There are also many others yang baru 'berhijrah' from dotdotdot into a hijabi, alhamdulillah.
But then, because they haven't gone all the way - tutup dada, pakai baju labuh, less perhiasan, ikut syariah, etc etc - they sometimes get 'teguran' from people around them. These Penegur pulak may be fans (of celebs), friends, family members and even strangers.

This is what i really believe:

Semua Si Penegur ni.. ada benda yang gerakkan diorang untuk menegur.
Call it whatever you want, i call it ilham or inspiration.
They were inspired to tell, explain, rant, pujuk, or scold orang yang berhijrah ni bila diorang "not hijabi enough", and i believe Allah sort of like jentik that person to go to that extent.

Sebab, come on. It's easier to just mengumpat kan? It's easier to talk behind people's back instead of facing them.
It takes great courage to tegur orang in our so-called-public (read: instagram or facebook) even as a fake or an anonymous person.

Penegur ni akan menegur orang yang berhijrah because THAT is the test.
Allah tests those He loves.

Orang yang berhijrah ni tested with what, exactly? Haters?

Psshhh! NO.

Faith, sincerity & ego.

Dealing with haters is nothing compared to dealing with our worst side. I'm still battling my yucky side! You know, that inner voice that tries to convince us that doing a little bit of wrong is not that bad, that "i deserve a bit of fun", or "ala sikit je", or "no one will know".


When it comes to the act of covering - like wearing the headscarf fully covering the hair, ears, neck and chest, wearing long sleeves and long pants, wearing socks, wearing clothes that does not reveal the shape of the body - they require a lot of effort. Itu je. Okay okay, money too. Hehe!

But then let's all admit it: Fashion is always the biggest part of a woman's life. We like to look good, and sometimes looking good means wearing trendy clothes, and sometimes also means "ala sikit je" (terdedah, i mean).
Somehow we associate being fashionable, pretty and rich with success. Padahal success can also be a person who is able to sedekah RM 0.50 a day, everyday.

Hijrah starts with faith. Belief. Knowing that it is part of worshipping Allah SWT.
When a person is tested, that's when sincerity comes in view.
Have you ever been tested, and then you see someone who is doing all the wrong things, and yet still have all the things you want, and thought "why can't i have it easy? Why, even after all this (sacrifices), i still have nothing compared to XYZ?"..

Ikhlas tu senang je nak cakap, tapi nak betul betul ikhlas kan diri for anything and everything (unpleasant) that happens to us, seriously not as easy.

And then, the ego steps in.
"Buat apa nak susah susah. Bukannya happy pun".
"I wear whatever i want. Penegur bukannya tau what ibadah i've done. They don't have the right to judge me. Only Allah does".
"They don't know me".

The painful truth is, kita bukan ego dengan orang lain. It does seem like so, but sebenarnya, kita tengah ego dengan Allah.

We give reasons to why we're not going to oblige to what people want us to do, we point everything away from us. It's like we're rebelling while being faithful, if that makes sense. Padahal Allah told us simply: cover our aurat.
He didn't tell us specifically how, yeah i know. Eh yo. We're Muslims. And all muslims have Al-Quran.
If you tell me to point to you the exact ayat where Allah tells us to cover ikut syariah ("mana syariah nya? mana?"), i can't. But you have the Quran kan?
Baca je la.
Cari la sendiri.
Tak jumpa? Baca lagi sekali. Still tak jumpa? Cuba fahamkan then. Cari Quran translation yang senang nak faham. English or bm, ada je kat book store.
Still tak jumpa? Ask your friends and families. They can't give you the answer too?
Cari cikgu, ustaz or ustazah. Can't find them?
Google them.
Don't know who's real and authentic?
Follow the famous ones like Mufti Menk, Ustaz Nouman Ali, Ustazah Norhafizah Musa, Yasmin Mogahed.

When we seek for answers to 1 question, it will somehow lead to learning 100 new knowledge.

But really.. kenapa kita kena ego dengan Allah?
While i'm typing this out, i see flashes of the things i've done out of ignorance. Not because i didn't know, but just because i tell myself "it's not a big deal. XX does it too".
Astaghfirullah T_T

If there's no one around you yang menegur, then consider this one.
I pun tengah tegur myself ni wuwuuu..

Hijrah does not stop at wearing tudung. It's all those level ups & upgrades we go through. Tak bertudung -> bertudung. Kuat mencarut -> berzikir. Kuat naik angin -> boleh bersabar. Cepat emo -> cepat sangka baik. Suka tengok tv -> suka belajar.

Even after 7 years, the act of covering is still a day to day challenge, and apart from that, i'm still trying to improve myself in terms of attitude, personality and psychology. There's a lot of fixing to do! Haha!
And i'm trying to fix myself ni pun so that i enjoy myself and people around me can get the best version of me too. Macam best kan? =')

InshaAllah, may Allah allow us to become the best version of ourselves, make us a syahid, and bidadari di Syurga nanti. Amiiiin..

Ps: We don't have to be ustazah overnight. Moments of reflections are important. At least we know whether we have improved or not since the last "teguran" =)

*gambar perhiasan haha*

Monday, August 21, 2017


So last Friday, i took my kids to the Butterfly Park in KL.

I kept it a secret from my kids, Nadrah especially (Isaac bukannya faham anyway haha) because i know she'll be too excited and then mesti ada something tak kena.
Like what if it rained and we couldn't go. I know she'll be very frustrated.

So kept it hush hush, until.

I picked her up from school, and then the usual battle to get her to finish her food, and i told her
"If you finish your food soon, we can go to the Butterfly Park!"

Habis. Hehehe!

To the Butterfly Park! Andele andele!

We bought fish food for RM 5.
Kesian tengok the fishes fighting for food..

I was mimicking Isaac's expression
Nadrah was "winking" haha!!

This type of butterfly is very friendly!
Boleh pegang (tapi i geli nak pegang =P)

Take 1

(Nadrah, put that thing down)
Take 2!

(Nadrah, properly lah!!!)
Take 3!

(Ah suka hati la!)
Take 4.

Pretty butterfly!

Looks like a rainforest kan.
Tapi kecik je the place. hehee

Sambung mission feeding the fishies

My geli attempt to stroke the butterfly haaha!

Nadrah was braver than me though. Good good.

Nadrah was telling the butterfly to not be afraid of her.
"It's ok little butterfly, i won't hurt you"
then poke it.


Isaac ni penggeli rupanya. 
He didn't want to walk at all because he was geli of the butterflies. 
I had to carry him around!!
Which is why my pictures pun macam borinnngggg~
Taking pics on my huge phone with one hand was quite dangerous. I do NOT want to drop my phone. heheeeee

Went into the exhibition area and FUH!
(We were sweating buckets!)

The kids were enjoying themselves

Eh eh Isaac berzapin pulak

Nadrah took this!
Good! I have a photographer now bahahaha!

Alhamdulillah we got to see everything, because when we got into the car, it started raining!
I thought we were there for like 2 hours.
But we were there for only 1 hour!
30minutes in the butterfly area, and another 30 minutes in the exhibition room and souvenir shop (for the aircon and letting my arms relax).

I only bought butterfly stickers for Nadrah and an Ironman toy for Isaac.

Kat rumah terus stick the butterflies on the wall.
Isaac was taking them off haha!
Nadrah got really angry at him bahahhaa

The reason why i wanted to bring them to Butterfly Park was because..
Nadrah was telling me about butterflies she saw on TV, and she was asking questions and making up stories about how butterflies would go to her and stuff.
It really got me wondering, when did she ever seen beautiful butterflies? Because all we've seen so far are moths hahahaha!

That compelled me into taking both her & isaac to see real beautiful butterflies and see how they really are (not as friendly as we wish. hehehee)

I went to Butterfly park once when i was super young, and in my head, it was HUGE.
But now that i'm all grown up, laaaa kecik rupanya. Hahaha!

For the price of RM 12 for the 3 of us, well, ok la.

Going there on a weekday was part of my plan. Can't imagine how it would have been on a weekend. Parking lagi.. When we went, sikit je orang, so butterflies were really easy to spot!

I would NOT recommend for families with stroller-bound children because there were loads of steps and the walkway isn't smooth. Take note k!

Other than that, it's a good experience and a breath of fresh air for all of us.
Glad that there are places like this for us all to enjoy nature & its beauty =)

Monday, August 14, 2017

KKM for Home Made Products

Before i forget:

I punya la gigih nya nak dapat kan KKM for my products.
It's all natural, but still, some people are not convinced... T_T
Gais, i don't work with harmful stuff..

So if you're an entrepreneur and doing your own products (and i'm talking about cosmetic/health products), and wondering:
Should i get KKM approval for this?

The answer is:

If it's homemade, they won't comply.
If you have your own factory (or something like a factory.. production place la), then you need to get GMP cert for the place, baru boleh apply KKM.

Kalau orang mintak jugak, bagi your certificate of analysis for your products. Hehe!

Sama kes macam orang buat bisnes jual makanan. They don't have Halal/Jakim sign, but you know it's halal anyway kan.
So yeah.

Sabo je la..
I siap beli "token" diorang, dah install itu ini, isi all the long forms, and in the end, nothing even matterssss~~
I tried so hard
 and got so far,
but in the end
it doesn't even matter
I had to fall
to lose it all
but in the end
it doesn't even matter
- Linkin Park, In the end

Buttttt, just in case you're not convinced, please do go ahead. 
I've contacted them, and wasn't quite clear, pastu they called me back and kind of "schooled" me.

Hope this helps!
(Don't waste your money and time yet).

Viral punya kes


Sekarang ni semua benda nak viral. 
Skandal retis sana sini, drama rumahtangga orang, singers and comedians on instagram, even demam!

Nadrah & isaac dah berapa kali kena demam viral ni -_-"

Today nadrah tengah demam actually. Kesian dia...

Anyway, today punya viral activity for me was:
Beli pinggan mangkuk kat central market. 
Bahahhaa terjebak jua. So i went with mah kids and mah mazer!

Tapi i memang minat all this kind of mismatched table settings, bowls and mugs with personality kinda thing cuma biasanya semua macam mahal and they come in a set. I nak loose loose je kan. Mugs are an exception la. 
Despite the fact that it is unhealthy to eat on the printed parts (due to plumbum or something tak ingat. Viral jugak kes nya), tapi i just wanna have it anyway. Pepandai la pakai camane nanti. Maybe put tissue and then letak makanan goreng goreng kan? 

So i only got this basket full of stuff. There was a sale last weekend and obviously i missed it, but i didn't expect the aunty cashier to still give the discounts to us! Yay!

Yang basket belah kanan tu my mom's stash. 

That's our trolley bag utk angkut all this stuff. 

I got some bowls, big and small, couple of spoons, small petri dish kinda size untuk letak sambal belacan konon, and an oval plate. The small bowls yang i intended to use for soups or eat nasi jepun, i chose yang takde prints kat dalam. Heheee!

All in all, i spent RM 74! Happy la but tak puas sebab tak dapat plates, teapot and mugs behehee..

So the aunty said next stock will be on 20th and told me to check febok. 


She pointed to a piece of paper. 

Ooohhhh facebook! Haha! Ok! Nanti kita check febok la. 
Thanks aunty!

So you guys nak pi sana, check febok dulu k?

Just took this picture sebab i rasa cart dia very homey. Hehehe! Good job la bang decor guna pokok!

Can't wait to use them bowls nowwww!
Nak masak nasi, salmon teriyaki and sayur masak garlic la woooooot!